


In which Peter Lukas is a Surprisingly good dad Or how not to adopt for beginners

by Who_First



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, Peter Lukas is not dad material, team archivist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:09:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26204725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_First/pseuds/Who_First
Summary: Peter Lukas is quite happily single. Quite happy no matter what Elias Bouchard may hint to. He does not want or need children. Indeed if one were to ask Peter Lukas when he would have children the man in question may laugh and send you on your way unharmed. The Lonely does not need that kind of silliness within It's borders.Nevertheless, Peter is adopted by a number of  children who conspire to make his life interesting.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sasha! I love the bit we got to hear of Sasha and hope that I kept her identity a mere.

The first was an honest mistake. 

Even Elias, the voyeuristic know it all, Bouchard would be hard pressed to disagree. That is if he had been bothered to be watching Peter when the introduction happened. Knowing Elias he could also have been catching up on his cooking shows while tormenting his minions in the archives instead. 

Besides, even if Elias hadn’t been watching, he would still disagree with Peter’s opinion. But that was a sign of how petty the other man was. Not a slight against Peter’s ability to comprehend honest mistakes. Honestly, you could be married to a man for years and never truly know him until you experienced, first hand, just how petty a former husband could be. 

For those fortunate enough to be happily lonely… exes were the most petty creatures. Right after cats. 

More importantly Peter had, in fact, been minding his own business like the majority of like minded 21st century people. He simply hadn’t noticed the absolutely tiniest creature he’d ever seen until it rammed face first into his knees. 

Whereupon it knocked him flat out and sent sticky fumbling fingers reaching for his wallet at the same time.  _ Quite annoying that _ Peter contemplated as he tried to breathe with the increasingly heavy pressure patting at his pockets. . 

Unfortunately for the would be thief, a very smug member of the Dark had walked off with the well flush wallet only a few hours earlier in response to a poorly timed bet. All that was now left in Peter’s pockets was a bit of pocket fluff and a crumpled post it note with a simplistic eye. 

He always ended up with blasted scrawled eyes anytime he ‘saw’ Elias. 

But currently, internal cursing of Elias aside, Peter tilted his head forward in time to meet the shocked brown eyes of a particularly scrawny example of a probably normal human child. Certainly he had never looked so disheveled when still living in Moorland house. 

The creature broke into a grin, showing gapped and missing teeth under countless freckles, as if that would encourage Peter to forget the quick fingers still feeling at his jacket for goods. 

Normally at this point in such an awkward situation the adult, Peter in this case, would attempt to waylay the child, or the scrawny creature with large eyes and freckles pretending to be a normal human child, in hopes of helping it. 

Instead both participants stared at the other. One with confused revulsion of human contact and the other with quickly vanishing confusion and a rapidly approaching sense of menacing delight. 

In short, much like with cats, Peter failed to realize he had shown fear and subsequently had just been forcibly adopted. 

The sixteenth fear after all was children sensing a weakness. 

“Hello!” Brown eyes flashed in the same way predators did upon spying their favorite prey. “Sorry I knocked you down! Are you a captain? I’ve seen ship captains dressed like you!”

Standing was done quickly. Setting the creature on its own feet and trying to edge around it was done even faster as Peter decided discretion was the better part of valor.

And he had no desire to deal with the sticky creature that had already tried to steal his wallet. 

Of course discretion was pointless when the creature currently making Peter start to disappear into the Lonely was following close and grabbing his pants to keep him from vanishing. 

“Do you have your own ship?” Was asked as fog started clinging to two pairs of legs.

“Do you like computers? The library has them and they’re so much fun to use!” Chirped the leach as Peter turned down a dark alley away from the crowds. 

“You’re very quiet, can you talk?” A sticky hand grabbed Peter’s and swung. 

There were more questions but at this point Peter needed to stop and stare with a hint of desperation to his features. 

“If I feed you will you be quiet?”

The poor captain asked the question in all hopefulness, growing up a lonely child with no pets, he’d never realized that feeding something once was paramount to feeding it forever more. Once again, showing fear, when any outsider could have told Peter that he had doomed himself. 

“Can I have a milkshake? Chocolate. And a burger with lots of chips. I don’t need vinegar, that tastes odd, but I think a different me would like vinegar?”

Looking back, which he did quite often giving the solipsism of loneliness, Peter never understood why he didn’t escape into the Lonely. Or trap the child in the Lonely when it was literally swirling around their feet and he could feel the quiet negative space just a step away. 

It was Elias’s fault. There was no doubt.

Those pleading eyes were certainly large enough to do the Beholding justice. In fact…

Peter grinned for the first time since the tiny subadult had nearly run him over. It felt appropriately evil when viewed over vanilla ice cream and a drink of more Scotch than coffee. 

Elias would love to interact with a normal child. And Peter was just the man to make the introductions as soon as he knew the name to introduce with.

“And what is your name little…. Human?” Peter asked cheerfully, which made his face hurt a bit, but he recalled being told at some point that children like smiles. 

“You know,” There was a pause where Peter’s lunchmate took a large bite of expensive chocolate cake. The cake being messily eaten, and half smeared over a face, was worth twenty quid. Filled to the brim with the most expensive chocolate, apart from gold dusted chocolate and a few others, with the frosting being topped off with a flaming liquor around the edges. Peter did not know this wasn’t something a child should eat. And the child certainly wasn’t going to tell him.

“You’re weird.” a chunk of chocolate was swallowed happily before the young creature pointed a spoon at Peter’s face. “You don’t know how to talk to kids at all. My name’s Sasha. I like books and computers and I think we’re going to get along fine.”

The awkwardly painful grin spread across Peter’s face in a far more natural way. It was about time for Elias and himself to get back together. What better way than to introduce Elias to the child in Peter’s life. One could almost see Peter’s shrivelled and desiccated heart grow with the knowledge of Elias’ future irritation.

“If you’re making evil plans I want in. I’m not just in this for the cake.”


	2. Interlude 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elias meets Peter meets Sasha. A good time is held by all. Dependent on your definition of a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my computer died. As of yet there is no fix but going to take it to the closest computer shop (an hour and a half away) and see if it can still be saved. Fingers crossed. But I'll put the link to my kofi here https://ko-fi.com/jrcolney0780  
> (yes it's a different username it's a long story)  
> so if you enjoy my work and want to buy me a coffee that will go towards getting a new computer... I'd appreciate it. In the meantime I'm writing through my phone and it takes ages. So any mistakes here are either me or autocorrect. Enjoy the shenanigans

Interlude 1

“And this is the Magnus Institute.” Peter spread his arms wide to include the amount of empty space the building protected along with its precious Archives. 

There was a reason the Lukas family continued to support a blasted body stealing know it all. 

Of course if one were to ask… Well they weren’t good reasons. 

Sasha also appeared quite skeptical of the place. And indeed why she needed to be there at all. In fact, as Sasha slowly opened her mouth and continued questioning full stop. 

“Why are we here?” 

“It’s my turn to propose to my husband. Elias Bouchard, he runs the place.”

“And?” Sasha’s pout was gaining real estate on her face, quite quickly. We were having a good time setting up Moreland House for WiFi.””

“Yes.” Peter drawled slowly trying to find extra time in which he could find the proper words to support his ideas. The words did not come to mind. A svelte and lanky creature that vaguely resembles Peter’s ‘first’ husband did appear. It was up in the air if Elias appearance was pleasing or displeasing. 

“Ahh, Peter.”

“Elias.”

There are people who can insert entire conversations into silence with little more than their knowledge of the other and exciting eyebrow movements. 

Then there is Elias and Peter who can insert entire soap operas complete with: subtitles, family trees involving long held grudges, differing fear entity patrons, and the time someone drank all the good tea and forgot to get more. 

It was even odds which of those issues, and more besides, caused the most problems between the two men. Sasha, who had until this point only spent time with Peter, would stake all of her hoarded computers and Peter’s wealth on the idea that Elias stole Peter’s good tea and probably also the equally good alcohol meant to strengthen it on bad days.

It goes without saying that Peter has a lot of bad days.

“Elias,” Peter growled again.

“Peter.” Elias purred.

“I’m Sasha. And this is really pointless.”

There was a long silence, Peter at least darted his eyes toward Sasha and started slowly deflating from where he had been trying to gain stature over Elias.

On the other hand, Elias stared Peter down before he even appeared to think about glancing to the side.

“And who is this?” Elias finally deigned to ask looking down his admittedly adorable nose at Sasha. 

“You mean you haven’t been watching my every movement?”

“Peter. Despite your delicate feelings believing the contrary, I am quite busy and cannot waste time in such paltry matters.”

“Oh, how nice. What a surprising change. I can hardly recall the time you accused me of having ‘designs’ on Mikaele Salesa. And watched my every moment for a month.”

“That hardly compares. Salesa had made a particularly trying deal with Gertrude and I wanted to be sure you weren’t part of it.”

Both men took a deep breath, further depriving the room of oxygen as their egos grew to fill the empty places. Sasha was very tired at this point and quite wished she’d stayed home to continue working on Moreland House’s spotty internet. At the least she could have upset a lot of people. 

“Well.” Elias sniffed glancing away towards one of the many previous heads of the Magnus Institute paintings hanging in the hall. Somewhat surprisingly, I’m sure anty audience would be, Elias Bouchard focused on a painting of a man with an unfortunate attachment to pinz-nes. That the man greatly resembled Peter’s first husband clearly had no ulterior motive. 

“It is… lovely to see you again, Peter.”

“And you, Elias.” Peter’s face spasmed a moment, one Sasha usually attributed to disliked emotions. “I Appreciate you taking the time to spend with me.” 

“Of course.” Elias looked happier now that he seemed to believe Peter wanted something. “I have missed your… most intriguing personality.”

“Wonderful.” Peter pursed his lips, darting his eyes again to were Sasha was beginning to fall asleep standing upright. “Well. I’ll get to the point.”

“I would appreciate that.”

“Are we still on for marrying this week?”

“Yes, Peter.” Elias sighed dramatically while waving one hand around the surroundings. “I’m aware it’s that time of the decade. And, as it falls in Funding week, it is your turn to propose. Do remember I put quite a lot of effort into  _ my _ last proposal.” 

“I do remember.” Peter looked terribly fond as he smiled in response. “The Tundra is still a magnificent piece of Loneliness.”

The pleased look that crossed Elias' face was one that Sasha truly wanted to smack off the man. Despite the fact she still had not really been introduced. Though at that moment of stray thought, Peter gave her an impressive look. 

In the future Sasha would refer to it as the ‘I’m an adult so I’m going to break everything with my words’ look. In the future she would also know to run as far and as fast as she could upon seeing that expression.

“In that case. Elias Bouchard, would you bestow upon me the honor of becoming my husband, my life partner, the one I bring all of my troubles to?”

“I do hope you planned more than that.” 

“Of course.” Peter’s smile grew to a level of smugness that matched the smirk of the many Magnus Institute heads. “Dear Elias, I would like to introduce you to Sasha Bouchard-Lukas. Our daughter.”


End file.
